May: Let go of anxiety

My focus for the month of May is to let go of anxiety.

It’s a tall order for a GAD sufferer. I’m starting a new part time job on top of my normal job. I used to have anxiety attacks doing this same job several years ago.

I went to college for this job. I have well over 10 years experience. I need to stop freaking out about everything all the time. I need that confidence boost from April.

While my house is under contract, the deed is still in my name. Our buyers could back out, which is my biggest anxiety trigger right now. Nothing is final until the ink dries on the closing papers.

With the new job, my home life is changing. I’m going to be in a new neighborhood, with new neighbors. My day is going to have new rhythms: there will be things I do there I didn’t need to do at this house, and vice versa. The anxiety of not having a routine – or a place that feels like home – is rough and uncomfortable, like a wool sweater.

Let go and let God.

I’ll keep repeating this until it sinks through my thick skull. How do you let go of something that causes your hand to paralyze around something you cannot drop because it may hurt someone?

I don’t know either, but this month, I will wrestle with it.

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